Vegas Stuck
by Blueyay
Summary: In which a young man wakes up with a hangover, next to his best friend, with a shiny new ring. note: Human stuck, I posted this on Tumblr earlier, etc.
1. Chapter 1 is silly

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you have the mother of all hangovers coupled with some pain in your backside. You wake up in your bed sore all over. When you try to move you feel arms tighten around your waist. You look and see your best friend Gamzee spooning you. "Fuck." What the hell did you do last night? You get up to get some painkillers and water. After downing the water you notice something shiny on your hand. Upon further inspection it is a ring. On your left hand. On the ring finger.

Your name is Gamzee Makara and you only remember a few things from last night, like sleeping with your best friend and something with cake. You feel pretty damn good about that. You notice when your best friend gets up, probably to get some water if he drank as much as you did. You briefly wonder if he remembers anything from last night. You decide to get up and find out.

You walk into the kitchen and wrap your arms around Karkat's waist, resting your head on his shoulder. "Hey Bro, do you remember what happened last night?"

Your name is Karkat Vantas. You feel arms wrap around your waist and and head rest on your shoulder. Its when your friend asks you a question that you notice that you're both stark naked. You tense up and start to freak out. "Gog Dammit, Gamzee put some freakin' clothes on, I swear to gog I-" He cuts your rant short by covering your mouth with one hand. "I hate to cut a motherfucker off like that, but you were walking around naked first bro." Oh shit. You shake him off and go back to your room to put on some pants. You look at the mess that is your apartment. There is paper strewn about the floor, some furniture out of place, and a statue of a bird lady that wasn't there before. You pick up the papers that were on the floor. "Hey bro what's that you got there?" you hear Gamzee come into the room. You look at the papers, they appear to be…., yep, that one is a marriage certificate, and what the fuck.

Your name is Gamzee Makara.

So that's what the cake was for. You see the papers your best bro is holding.

After Karkat has finished reading them, he starts shaking. You're worried he might be having a panic attack. It's not every day you wake up married to your best friend. You just see it as a miracle that happens for a reason. Then Karkat starts laughing. Well that was unexpected.

And now he's crying. You turn him around and hug properly, patting his back to calm him the mother fuck down. After he regains composure, he yells "Will you put some gogdamn pants on already! Jegus fuck this is messed up enough on it's own, I don't need you running around in the buff causing more problems!" You quickly pull on a nearby pair of pajama pants. "Bro its okay, you just need to get your chill on." "Don't tell me what to do! I don't even remember what happened last night, fuck who was even with us?" he yelled. "Hell if I know, all I remember was cake and sex." you replied. He just glares at you while preparing another rant.


	2. Chapter 2 is short

Hours into the future but now many.

After the two confused and frustrated young adults finished arguing, they began to clean up the apartment. Setting aside what they believed to be evidence  
from last night for further investigation. "Okay, so we got two videos, four cameras, three cell phones, and a brand new photo album that wasn't here before." Karkat began. "Dibs on the photo album." Gamzee said as he grabbed the book. He sat down on the couch and flipped it open, revealing pictures of the recently forgotten "wedding". "Awe, look bro, you were wearing the cutest motherfucking dress." "What!?" Karkat grabs the book, he sees various pictures of him and Gamzee in dresses. Yes, you read that right. They we're both wearing dresses. In one picture you can see Gamzee in a red strapless mermaid dress holding Karkat, who was in a very short, white, pixie dress, bridal style. "We are burning this!" he exclaimed. "Nah bro, I want to keep it." Gamzee replied. "Why?" "Cause we look hot." He said grinning. Karkat just glared at him through a heavy blush. "Hey let's see what's on the videos." Gamzee suggested. The first video contained footage of the wedding. There was a cake fight where John got dog piled on, and Dave switching outfits with Terezi halfway through the reception. Terezi originally had a one shoulder, teal, cocktail dress on, which she soon switched with Dave's red and black tuxedo. Karkat makes a mental note to call everyone later to ask what happened. Gamzee picks up one of the cameras and starts to go through the most recent pictures. "I thought you wanted to go through the damn videos first!" The shorter male yelled. "Nah, I have a feeling we should save that one" he pointed to the second video "for last." "Oh, alri- is that Dave ina bikini?" Karkat pointed at the camera in Gamzee's hand.


	3. Chapter 3 is early

After going through the cameras, our favorite characters were able to come up with a vague summary of what went down last night.

_They went to the casino to celebrate Dave and Terezi's engagement. Apparently Karkat and Gamzee won half a million dollars after getting shit faced drunk. They blew off two-thirds of the winnings on a bunch of random shit like the new golden toilet, a silver statue of a Harpy, and apparently their later to come wedding. That happened after Tavros and John got arrested twice, once for stealing a cop car and the other for setting a house on fire (by accident). Vriska was able to bail them out, only if they participated in the cross-dressing bikini contest that was happening at the bar she owned. Somehow Karkat ended up in the competition along with Dave and Eridan, and there was a picture of Gamzee stealing him from the stage, then they were splashing around in a fountain. Jade got a tattoo of a wolf on her leg. And some other vague stuff happened, some of the pictures were out of focus, blurry or cut off. And then they got married._

"This is the shittiest summary in the history of shitty summaries. This couldn't be any more gog damn awful than it already is, even if you covered it in dog shit and set it on fire! There has to be way more that happened within the span of six hours! Considering half this fuck up shenanigans happened within the span of half an hour!" Karkat ranted. "Are you all upset that you didn't remember the motherfucking fun we had last night?" Gamzee grinned. "Oh shut the fuck up! That reminds me, what the hell did you do with the second video? I specifically remember that we fucking found it in my room." Karkat glared at Gamzee. He only smiled and honked in response.

"Whatever! I'll find it on my own by my fucking self!" he shouted just before one of the cellphones went off. It was the red one and it's ring tone was the most annoying thing in the universe. Karkat picked it up and answer it "What the fuck?" "Awe, sweet Karkat has my phone, I'm gonna come and pick it up okay?" "Who is this?" "Strider, Dave Strider." "Your ringtone is the stupidest ringtone to ever be pulled out of someone's ass!" "Whatever dude, see ya in a bit!"

Karkat slams the phone onto the counter. "Who was that?" Gamzee asked. Karkat looked up to reply but stopped short. "What the hell happened to your face!" Gamzee wasn't wearing any face paint. Going across his face were three diagonal cuts that had already scabbed over. They weren't deep enough to need stitches but it would scar. Gamzee reaches up and feels around his face. His eyes widen and he runs to the bathroom. Karkat wondered how he didn't notice before, then started to feel like a crappy friend for not noticing sooner. He follows Gamzee into the bathroom where he's freaking out about the cuts. He slowly approaches him deciding he should try and calm him down.

= Be Dave Strider

Your name is Dave Strider, and you finally found out where your phone is. You walk up to your friend's apartment building. He lives in apt. 612, that's the sixth floor up and if you took the elevator it's the sixth door to the right. You have no idea why Karkat likes to take the stairs, it's six flights for crying out loud. You approach the apartment door which is painted the most neutral of all greys. Another thing you don't get, he could of have any color on his door and he chooses grey. You knock on the door a couple times. No answer. Luckily you were able to rig the doorbell last night and forgot about it. So when you ring the doorbell heavy metal music randomly plays. You here the yelling of 'what the fuck!' on the other side, and when the door finally opens….

Damn you did not see that coming.


	4. Chapter 4 is something

= Still be Dave Strider

Before you stands a soaking wet, face flushed, half naked Karkat, and damn someone did one hell of a number on his neck. You're pretty damn sure he was still a virgin up until that happened. Ouch. "The fucking hell are you staring at!" Karkat sneered. "A half-naked man who apparently lost his virginity." Whoops, didn't mean to let one slip out of the wood works. At first he just makes a face that is a mixture of embarrassment and anger then he steps aside, glaring and says "Hurry up and take your damn phone, it's on the counter." And as an afterthought "By the way do you remember anything from last night?" he asks. "Nope. But I did wake up this morning covered in bitches." You reply. He raises an eyebrow at you. Before he can respond to your previous statement you say "Three poodles, a German shepherd, a Siberian husky, and a pair of Pomeranians." You can't help but smirk a little when he face palms.

= Be Karkat from 20 minutes earlier

You're not entirely sure what you're doing but it seems to be working. He looked like he was about to smash something to pieces. His grip on the sink started to loosen up. You guess anyone would be extremely upset if they woke up one day with their face randomly mutilated. "Shoooosshhh it's okay." You whisper while patting his back. You have him in the tightest hug you can manage. He slowly lets go of the sink and hugs you back. "I don't even know how it happened." He says. "We'll find out what happened later okay, we'll have everyone meet up and to get to the bottom of this." You replied rubbing small circles on his back. He lets out a sad sigh. It was at this moment where you realized you both smelled awful from pretty much everything you did last night. "Hey Gamzee." You try to get his attention. "Hmm?" he replies. "In case you haven't noticed we both stink, you can take a shower first and I'll make whatever you want for breakfast okay?" You hope he agrees. He thinks about it for a good solid minute. "Or we could just take a shower together." He says. "What?" you blush furiously. You did not expect that. He grabs you around the waist and lifts you up. "Come on bro, it'll be fun." He jumps in the shower with you and turns on the water. Its ice cold and you immediately break free of his grasp and jump out. "Jegus fuck, are you trying to give me fucking hypothermia!" before you could continue your rant loud heavy metal starts playing throughout the apartment.

= Be the Ironic Guy

You are now Dave Strider, and you now know who Karkat lost his virginity to. Gamzee just walk out of the shower in nothing. Not even a towel. Wow, it's a good thing Terezi took care of you this morning. Karkat runs out of the room screaming about covering the fuck up. You just go and pick up your phone. You figure you should help Karkat get everyone together to find out what happened last night. You remember proposing to Terezi, she said yes, you bought everyone drinks, and Gamzee had some brownies on him that he decided to share. Now that you think about it, why the hell did anyone accept brownies from a stoner clown? You check your phone out real quick to see if there are any new pics. Nope nothing, but some these texts are hilarious. Karkat comes back with a blanket and covers Gamzee up. Heh, they actually look cute together. You decide now is a good time to take your leave. "Hey Karkat, let's have everyone meet up at my place at nine, alright?" you say as you're about to leave. "Yeah sure, whatever." He replied to busy trying to keep Gamzee in the blanket.


	5. Chapter 5 is late

Dave's Apartment: 9:15 p.m. Sun.

"Okay let's keep this short, simple, and straight to the point, mostly because I have work tomorrow." Karkat started.

"But your shift doesn't start 'til noon." Tavros stuttered.

"Shut the fuck up, I like to wake up early and make sure I'm good and goddamn ready before dealing with a bunching of grub fucking tourists that for some reason can't stop bitching and moaning about me cheating even though it's my fucking job." He ranted. It should be noted that Karkat is a Black Jack dealer for one of the casinos in the city. Tavros works as a waiter at the very same casino.

"Uuuuuuuugh! Can you please get on with it already?" Vriska whined. Before she could start really complaining Dave said, "Dude, this is just an idea but what if we had everyone write down what they remembered and keep us posted."

"That's a stupid idea, everyone has their own fucking lives to deal with." Karkat replied. "What if we like, um make a forum, that everyone can post stuff on." Tavros said. "I'll thet it up." Sollux said. "Is it just me or is your lisp getting worse?" Jade inquired.

"Whale we can't all stay here all night, some of us have court ordered rehab to visit." Feferi said.

"Then why the hell did you come here! You weren't even with us last night!" Karkat yelled. "Nope, but I did get a lot of weird calls from you guys." She replied. "Great make a report and email it to me later, I'll make one of thothe shared fileth on google." Sollux said.

"Does everyone have a fucking google whatever?" Vriska asked, getting tired of sitting around. Everyone raised their hands. "Good, just make sure Sollux has your email before you leave, now if you'll exuuuuuuuuse me, I have a bar to run." She said as she got up.

"Wait! Don't go yet, we didn't make bets yet!" John said. I should be noted that John has a gambling addiction, which why he moved to Vegas in the first place.

"On what?" she asked. "Don't you remember? Karkat and Gamzee got married. Fifty says they divorce after two weeks." John said with that strange glint in his eyes. "Hold the fuck up!" Karkat started before everyone cut him off by taking bets. "Twenty says they break it off in three months." Terezi said. "No way, I bet thirty that they actually stick it through for at least six months." Dave said. "I say they last about six weeks top." Tavros said.

"Dude, we didn't even talk about it yet, we were too busy learning that my place got all up and trashed by myself last night. I'm staying at his place until… hell, I don't motherfucking know." Gamzee said with a sad face. He couldn't believe they would make bets right in front of them, they should have at least waited until they left the room.

"Fiiiiiiiine, I say they don't get divorced just to spite you assholes!" Vriska said, and then she left slamming the door on her way. "Are you nut chafing morons done making a mockery out of events I can barely fucking remember, if at all!" Karkat screamed. "Well, why the hell did you marry him?" Tavros asked starting to get peeved at the short angry male. He briefly wonders if Karkat ever stopped being upset, at all.

"I don't fucking know! Why the hell did everyone think it was such a grand fucking idea to accept suspicious brownies from a well-known pot head?" Karkat countered in his defense. "Oh shit man, did you really?" Tavros asked Gamzee.

"Well, if I'm remembering correctly they were special miracle brownies, I made them with some real good shit too." Gamzee replied. Everyone except Gamzee and Tavros face palmed. Tavros was too busy laughing his ass off.

"Well, now that everyone is informed on what to do, Tavros you know anyone who likes dogs?" Dave inquired. After he stopped giggling he replied "Yeah, why do you ask?"

"Great, everyone else except Terezi can get the fuck out of my apartment, I woke up with some dogs licking my face like a lollipop and I need to get rid of them." Dave said. Everyone made sure to give Sollux their emails, before leaving for the night. Dave and Tavros spent three hours finding homes for the dogs, before parting ways with fist bumps.


	6. Chapter 6 is over one thousand !

Plush Rump Party Log:

twin Armageddons [TA] began memo:

TA: for everyone who wa2 at dave'2 engagement party la2t niight, plea2e report what you remember.

gallows Calibrator [GC] joined the memo.

GC: 1'M PR3TTY D4MN SUR3 TH1S ST4RT3D 4FT3R M3 4ND D4V3 GOT 3NG4G3D.

GC: YOU KNOW WH3N G4MZ33 P4SS3D 4ROUND SUSP1C1OUS BROWN13S.

carcino Geneticist [CG] joined the memo.

CG: WE ARE GOING TO KEEP THIS MEMO IN FUCKING LINEAR ORDER THIS TIME OTHERWISE WE'LL HAVE THE ROTTING CARCASS OF ANOTHER FAILED MEMO TO HAUNT US EVERY TIME SOMEONE NEW DICOVERS IT LIKE A FUCKING ARCHAEOLOGIST IN EGYPT.

GC: SO YOU 4ND G4MZ33 WON H4LF A M1ILL1ON L4ST N1GHT, OR SO 1 SM3LL3D H3 H3 H3.

turntech Godhead [TG] joined the memo.

TG: sup

TG: didn't they blow all their money on stupid stuff

TG: and get married.

CG: WHAT THE FUCK DID I SAY ABOUT KEEPING THIS MEMO LINEAR SO NO ONE IS CONFUSED ON THE ORDER OF EVENTS OR ARE WE JUST GONNA THROW THAT RIGHT OUT THE GOD DAMN WINDOW WITH THE BROKEN TV!

TA: who broke theiir tv?

terminally Capricious [TC] joined the memo.

CG: SPEAK OF THE FUCKING DEVIL.

TC: Oh sHiT, mAyBe I sHoUlD cOmE bAcK aNoThEr TiMe

GC: SO HOW W4S TH3 HON3YMOON?

CG: OH MY GOD TEREZI CAN YOU NOT, NO ONE FUCKING REMEBERS WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT LET ALONE THAT

GC: SO 1T D1D H4PP3N

TC: I uP aNd ReMeMbEr ThAt

TC: It WaS a MoThErFuCkInG mIrAcLe

CG: STOP

CG: STOP TALKING RIGHT NOW I DON'T WANT TO KNOW HAPPENED AND YOU SURE AS HELL ARE NOT GOING TO TELL THEM

TC: BuT bRo YoU wErE uP aNd EnJoYiNg ThAt ShIt

TG: so let me guess karkat was bottom bitch

CG: WHAT THE FUCK GAMZEE I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU THAT WE WERE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THAT AND WE NOT HAVE A REPEAT OF THOSE EVENTS ANYTIME SOON

TC: So We CaN dO iT aGaIn In ThE fUtUrE?

CG: WHEN TAVROS CAN WALK AGAIN

TC: AwWw mAn

TC: ThAt WoUlD bE a MiRaClE iF tHaT eVeR hApPeNeD

TG: I think theres a really expensive surgery out there that can fix that

TA: 2top iit right now or ii'll block you

TA: we need two focu2 on what happened la2t night, open another memo iif you want two fix tav'2 leg2

TG: alright alright im just here to see who won the cross dressing bikini contest

GC: 1 R3M3MB3R K4RKL3S W4S 1N S3COND PL4C3

GC: TH3N G4MZ33 K1DN4PP3D H1M TO PL4Y 1N 4 FOUNT41N

TG: if he didn't have a really flat chest I would've thought he was a girl

TG: like where did all his junk go? It sure as hell wasn't in the bikini contest

TC: Oh It WaS tHeRe AlRiGhT, mOtHeRfUcKeR's A gRoWeR ;o)

TG: a what?

GC: YOU KNOW, L1K3 4 FLOW3R 1T ST4RTS OFF SM4LL TH3N TR1PL3S 1N S1Z3

CG: FUCKING STOP TALKING ABOUT SHIT YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW WE WILL NOT DICUSS GENETALIA OR ANYTHING THAT INVOLVES THEM. WE ARE GETTING BACK ON TRACK WITH WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

arachnids Grip [AG] joined the memo.

CG: FOR EXAMPLE BEFORE THE BIKINI CONTEST JOHN AND TAVROS WERE ARRESTED TWICE AND VRISKA HAD TO BAIL THEM OUT TWICE, SO NOT ONLY DID THEY END UP IN THE FUCKED UP CONTEST BUT THEY BOTH WERE AT HER BECK AND CALL THE REST OF THE NIGHT.

AG: I made them do lap dances aaaaaaaall night loooooooong.

TG: oh my god you're a genius, please tell me you videotaped it and put it on youtube that would be all kinds of ironic

AG: I'm surprised at you dave

TG: for what?

AG: for not reme8ering

AG: you weeeeeeeere the first place winner

TA: wiill you guy2 2top wiith thii2 non2en2e and ju2t report what you remember

AG: aaaaaaaalriiiiiiiight I'll stop 8eing fun and cut to the chase

AG: after I 8ailed Tavros and John out of jail, I had them enter my 8ikini contest to pay off their de8t. Dave, Eridan, and Karkat were also in the contest.

AG: Dave came in first place, karkat in second, aaaaaaaand third place went to Tavros

CG: WAIT A FUCKING MOMENT

AG: what mad that you landed second place?

CG: NO, I'M JUST CURIOUS AS TO HOW THE HELL DID SOMEONE IN A WHEELCHAIR PARTICIPATE IN A BIKINI CONTEST. I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER BEING ON A STAGE WITH STAIRS

AG: I had some tough guy lift his wheel chair on stage

grim Auxiliatrix [GA] joined the memo.

GA: I Will Keep This Brief

GA: Rose And I Have Received A Number Of Messages Last About A Talking Polar Bear From Gamzee And A Squirrel Stealing Cars With A Cow From Dave

TG: ha, I remember that

GA: That Is All Good Day

Grim Auxiliatrix [GA] has left the memo.

CG: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU REMEMBER A SQUIRREL AND COW STEALING CARS

TG: easy I witnessed John and Tavros stealing a cop car and I thought they were a squirrel and a cow.

TC: ShIt BrO hOw MaNy BrOwNiEs DiD yOu EaT?

GC: 4H H4 SO TH3 CULPR1T 4DM1TS DRUGG1NG 3V3RYON3 4T TH3 P4RTY

TC: WoAh, I dIdNt MeAn To SiS

GC: T3LL 1T TO TH3 JURY

CG: CAN WE PLEASE STAY ON TRACK

AG: this is getting crazy, I have a 8ar to run, so I'll see you guys l8tor

AG: oh and one more thing, I'm going to forward everyone pictures from the bikini contest

arachnids Grip [AG] has left the memo.

CG: FUCK

TA: 2hut up and report what you remember

CG: FINE WE BLEW OFF OUR MONET ON A GOLDEN TOILET AND A SILVER STATUE OF A LADY THAT IS HALF BIRD AND HALF SCARY AS FUCK

TA: niice

cuttlefish Culler [CC] joined the memo.

caligulas Aquarium [CA] joined the memo.

CC: )(i 38)

CA: cod dammit howw did I lose the bikini contest

CC: I told you s)(ake it

TA: hi fef how2 iit goiing?

CC: swimmingly, at my last re)(ab meeting W-E GOT TO -EAT COOKI-ES!

TA: that2 niice ii2 your mom 2tiill cutiing you off?

CC: yeah 38( its getting )(ard to keep up with bills

TA: iif you want two, you can 2tay at my place for awhile

CA: NO NO NO NO, she wwill havve nothing to do wwith you

CG: CAN YOU ASSHATS KEEP THE DRAMA OFF THE FUCKING MEMO I THOUGHT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO STAY ON TRACK

CC: o)( yeah t)(at reminds me about t)(ose weird calls I got from you guys KARKAT WAS T-ELLING M-E THAT GAMZ-E-E STOL-E HIS UND-ER W-EAR

TC: WeLl I wOuLdNt CaLl It StEaLiNg WhEn He WaS ThE OnE wHo Up AnD tHrEw It In My FaCe

CG: CAN YOU TWO STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT NOW

CA: come on kar you cant hide evveryfin from all of us

CC: I also got a call from Terezi

GC: FROM M3 :?

CC: yea)( you were telling me )(ow dave looked beautiful as sea turtle and t)(at he s)(ould play turnips more often

TA: guy2 gue22 who ju2t 2ent me an emaiil about biikiinii2

GC: VR1SK4

GC: 1 JUST GOT 1T TOO 4ND D4MN 4M 1 GL4D TH4T 1M GONN4 M4RRY TH4T PLUMP RUMP H3 H3 H3

TG: thank you, thank you, I couldn't have done it without the help of the academy

GC: C4N 1 H4V3 T4ST3 NOW?

TG: alright

turntech Godhead [TG] has left the memo.

gallows Calibrator [GC] has left the memo.

CG: WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?

CC: w)(ale im done )(ere so im gonna message sollux later BY-E

cuttlefish Culler [CC] has left the memo.

CA: I guess I'm done here too, later

caligulas Aquarium [CA] has left the memo.

TA: you know what

TA: 2crew the memo ii'll ju2t take iindiiviidual report2 from everyone and 2end everyone a fiile wiith all the event2

TC: So We'Re AlL uP aNd DoNe?

CG: FUCK, YES WE ARE DONE WITH YET ANOTHER SHITTY MEMO THAT LITERALLY FAILED WITHIN THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES IN IT'S EXISTANCE

CG: WE ARE NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN.

carcino Geneticist [CG] has left the memo.

TC: ByE mOtHeRfUcKeR

terminally Capricious [TC] has left the memo.

TA: good god that wa2 awful

twin Armageddons [TA] has ended the memo.


	7. Chapter 7 is extra early

You are now Karkat Vantas

After work, I went on to that ridiculous memo. Then after three excruciating hours of stupidity I get off. I decided that now is a good time to sit down and talk with Gamzee about that night. After ordering pizza of course.

I called the nearest pizza joint and ordered two large pizzas, one pepperoni and one Hawaiian style and some cheese bread. Gamzee left earlier to get himself some faygo.

I had Gamzee move in with me yesterday because, in case everyone didn't already know, he trashed his own apartment and before the landlord kicked him out I helped him gather the few surviving possessions of his rampage. Since my apartment only has one room, I let him sleep in there.

In a sleeping bag.

On the other side of the room.

God what was wrong with me.

I hear the doorbell, which I was able to fix with some help from Sollux, ring like a normal god damn doorbell. It's probably the pizza guy. I answer the door and nope that's not the pizza guy.

"Hello Karkat, it's good to see you again after so long. Mother was getting worried since you haven't called her in two weeks, and while I understand that you are an adult now and can take of yourself, she would like to hear from once in a while to make sure you are doing well. I also received a triggering email from one of your friends about Dave's engagement party a couple nights ago. I was informed that while under the influences of not only alcohol but drugs as well, you married your best friend Gamzee and I'm here to make sure that you are covered legal wise should you get a divorce, and while I-"

"Kankri, shut the fuck up!" I yell. "Karkat that is very rude and-" he starts. "Just get in here I'm waiting for the pizza guy and Gamzee." I pull him inside and shove him towards the living room. "Long story short, Gamzee's apartment got trashed, he's living here for the time being, and we were going to talk about that today." I tell him before he could start another lecture. He sits down on the sofa and sighs deeply. "Karkat do you want to be married to Gamzee? Aren't you the least bit worried about losing half of your property if you two get a divorce?" he questions. "Maybe, I don't know, right now Gamzee has nowhere else to go and I'll be damned before I kick my best friend out on the streets." I reply. "Awe, I knew you cared about me bro." I hear a deep raspy voice say from behind me. I turn around to see a grinning Gamzee with two bags of faygo. The doorbell rings again. "I'll get, you two assholes stay here." I say before answering the door. Finally it's the pizza guy. I pay for the pizza and bring it in the apartment. I hear the pizza guy call out "Later babycake!" before I closed the door. Who the fuck calls someone babycake of all things? I try to shake it off but it keeps bugging me. I put the pizza down in the kitchen before sitting down at the counter. Someone called me that before, but when? I put my head in my hands and think.

You are now Gamzee Makara

I can smell pizza coming from the kitchen. Karkat's older was going on about something but I wasn't really paying any attention. "I don't about you, motherfucker but I'm gonna up and get some pizza." and with that I left the living room and made my way over to the kitchen. Once there I discover Karkat crying on the floor.


	8. Chapter 8 is triple early!

Be Karkat Vantas having a horrible flashback.

Gamzee had "Kidnapped" me from the bikini contest. I was wearing a bright red string bikini. Gamzee was carrying me bridal style. For some reason I thought he was made of candy and kept biting his collar bone. When I drew blood, I could've sworn it was purple. He carried me all the way to a fountain in front of some fancy casino. I couldn't stop giggling. We splashed around and pretended to be mermaids. Then we played catch the fishy, I was the fish and Gamzee was the shark he was able to pin me in the water without drowning me. We may have had sloppy make outs a little bit. I don't know if anyone saw that or they just didn't give a fuck. At some point in the middle of our fun some drunk assholes decided to intrude on us. Gamzee disappeared in the spray of the water in a game of tag. At first I thought it was him who grabbed me from behind but when I turned around it was some guy in a striped shirt and bright orange jeans. "You're not Gamzee." I pouted like a little kid. "Awe, don't pout babycake." the stranger cooed. Pretentious asshole. He tried to pinch my cheeks. I bit his fingers. I thought his blood was green. The stranger's friend tried to grab me when I wasn't looking, but Gamzee came back and knocked him out in one punch. He glared at orange jeans and growled "Don't motherfucking touch my best friend." I was standing right behind Gamzee when orange jeans pulled out a knife. Then they moved so fast I wasn't sure what happened exactly, but when it stopped I was looking at a man with a knife in his thigh screaming, Gamzee was covering his face with both hands, and suddenly everything was too loud. Everything went fuzzy, my ears started ringing and the next thing I know Gamzee was putting his hoodie on me and picking me up. He started carrying me to his apartment.

When we got to his apartment he set me down on the couch and covered me with a soft blanket, then went straight to the bathroom. I heard him shuffling around and turning on the water. I fell asleep to the sound of splashing water and the sink running. I woke up a few minutes later to the sound of Gamzee trashing his apartment. He kicked over his coffee table, threw all dishes at the wall, flipped his TV, and tried to do the same with the couch until I started yelling at him. He pulled me off the couch and pinned me to floor, successfully tangling me in the blanket in the process. Tears and drops blood were hitting my face. I was forced to look straight up into his face. He was bleeding and crying. I untangled one of my hands from the blanket and slowly placed it on his cheek. I surprised myself by shushing him. I ran a thumb over his cheek and wiped a tear away. He loosened his grip on me. I shimmied my other arm out and pulled him into a hug. "It's okay, everything is going to be alright, I promise." I told him. "How are you going to motherfucking keep that promise?" He hiccupped. I tilted his down and gently kissed each cut on his face. "If you doubt me so much, then I'll marry you." I replied. He grabbed me around the waist and flipped us, so that I was on top of him. He grabbed my face and started kissing it all over.

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you are currently sitting on the kitchen floor crying.

Be Gamzee.

I walk over to my bro and squat down in front of him. I put a hand on his shoulder and he stiffens up. "You alright man?" I ask. He shakes his head. I press my forehead against his. "Do you want to share with me what's eating at your think pan?" He starts to sob louder. I shush and tell him "You don't have to, if you don't want to, just do what feels right in your blood pusher." "I know, I saw," he starts to stutter out. I pull him into a hug and rub circles into his back. "Take a deep breath bro." He inhales slowly, and begins to tell me about his flashback, how he remembers the motherfucker who slashed my face, how we went back to my place, how I up and trashed the place, then he goes all quiet like, trying to keep something in he isn't so sure about. I hear a "ahem" from behind me. Kankri giving us one of his looks that tells us he don't appreciate what we're doing but there ain't a thing he can do about it. I help Karkat up and walk him over to the counter. He sits on the stool closer to me. "Karkat is everything alright?" Kankri asks. "Yeah, I just need to talk to Gamzee about some important stuff." Karkat replies. His older brother seems to ponder this for moment instead saying the first thing that comes to mind. Miracles. "I suppose I should take my leave now, I will come back later when you sort everything out. If you need anything at all don't hesitate to call." He keeps it short and straight to the point, another miracle. We say our farewells to Kankri as he leaves. As soon as he's gone Karkat tugs at my arm in the direction of the living room. He sits down on the couch and motions me to do the same. Once I got myself comfy Karkat starts "Gamzee, we need to talk."


	9. Chapter 9 CROCODILES!

Your name is Karkat and what the hell did you just agree to?

Two hours earlier.

I was sitting on the couch with Gamzee and started to talk to him about our situation. What I didn't expect was a confession. He told me how he had wanted to ask me out for a while.

Well I figured why not give him a chance. I'm not going to lie but the prospect of dating my best friend didn't sound _that_ bad.

Plus it would be like that one movie I like.

We agreed that if it didn't work out after six months we would get a divorce. If we got a divorce then I would help him find a new apartment.

The current predicament.

I didn't think our conversation would lead up to this.

Being locked in the bathroom with just a towel around my waist.

And a crocodile.

A FUCKING CROCODILE.

LIKE HOW THE FUCK DOES A CROCODILE END UP IN MY APARTMENT!

Be panicking Gamzee.

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh fucking shit.

How? Why? What?

Some motherfucker dropped off a crate and said we ordered it. Why would anyone in any state of mind order a crocodile? If anything I would've gotten a goat.

Deep breath, now how the fuck am I gonna get that croc out of the bathroom and save Karkat at the same time?

I pull out my phone and call Equius. "Yes, hello?" I hear him pickup. "Hey, Equibro, I got a real important question." "Considering your lack of rude language, I will have to assume you're sober." he replies. "Yeah man, serious situation, there is a crocodile locked in the bathroom with Karkat, what do I do?" I ask. "I stand corrected, there is no possible way for there to be a crocodile in Karkat's apartment." he states. "Motherfucker, may I remind your sorry ass that we live in fucking Vegas! Sin city bro, where motherfucking anything can happen!" I don't mean to yell but this is a dire situation. "Oh, My, I need a towel." He responds after a few seconds. I take a deep breath and decide to ask one of those what if questions. "Okay motherfucker, let me put it this way. What would you do if Nepeta was locked in a room with a crocodile?" "I would break down the door and have the beast's jaw in a **strong** vice grip, while Nepeta runs to safety." he declares. Eh, what other choice do I have? I hang up without saying good bye and break into the bathroom.

Miracles everyday man.

Be the naked guy.

You are now Karkat Vantas.

Before the crocodile got the idea to eat me I hopped up onto the bathroom sink. I decided to call him ass muncher pervert extraordinaire. Ass muncher for short. Anyways the ass muncher couldn't quite reach me from where I was perched. It looked my biggest problem with ass muncher was the fact he had giant fucking jaws. Well I guess if I had a way to keep his mouth close I would be in the clear. The bathroom is too small for ass muncher to use his tail, so I don't have to worry about that. Goddammit I don't have anything to tie his mouth close.

Except for my towel...

Fuck it.

The door's locked so no one is going to see me.

I carefully remove my towel and get into position. When the crocodile closed his mouth I jumped onto his head and held his mouth shut while I tied the towel around it. Ass muncher flicked his body side to side in attempt to get me off. Lucky for me the bathroom was too narrow and he only knocked me into the cabinets under the sinks.

After I double knotted the towel and felt confident that his mouth will stay shut I moved back off of him and stood up. I was about to go unlock the door, until Gamzee broke it down and knocked me backwards.

Be the guy staring in amazement.

You are now Gamzee.

And damn if that wasn't the most, fuck I don't even have words for it, thing I have ever saw. The cutest motherfucker I know is sitting on top a crocodile all pretty like. Oh shit where did his towel go? Wait it's tying the croc's mouth shut. I could just get my stare on for hours.

"Hey, fuck ass, quit staring like a retard. I'm not letting this ass muncher pervert extraordinaire escape the bathroom until animal control gets here." he shouts at me.

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**Author's note: I like to thank everyone who reviewed so far, It has been a great encouragement for me. Thank You. I will probably post one or two more chapters for this story, then a one-shot sequel. **

**Have a nice day.**


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